For this piece of writing I have focussing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to: use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
- use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8)
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal
My Story, The engine ripped as the waves smashed against the steal boat, they were heading for a island, that is surrounded by trees in the middle a volcano. Jimmy is told to put on some boots
because recently the lava from the volcano has made the ground really hot, but Jimmy isn't that clever especially when it comes to tying laces, and these boots like most had laces finally they were nearly there.
Then it was silent, the motor cut out. A few seconds later the man said you have to get of here ahead the waters to hot for the boat you will have to swim to shore. So then Jimmy jumped out and headed for land. The driver of the boat wasn't lying about the water it was had bubbles coming up from the heat of the water like when you boil water for pasta. That's probably how they cook on this island .
One he got to the shore there were kids doing all sorts of games in the jungle and on the beach. So then he went off to were he was staying.
It was a little hut with a hammock, and lots of candles there was no electricaty and you don't need heater, when the volcano heats the hole island up so much. He was only staying at the island for two nights so he had to make the most out of it. He talked to some adults and children about how life was there and if they were worried about the volcano. Also he went for a swim it was really nice, as Sun fell kids started to disapere. Adults and Tennagers came out because there were music also people with fire.Then he went to bed. Jimmy is a adventure and planned to explore the forest.
It was hard to get to sleep last night because the music was really loud, and he wasn't used to sleeping In a hammock after about half an hour he moved to the floor which made his back really hot, but he got used to it and fell asleep.
8:32 in the morning it said on his watch but that was wrong his watch was american time,but the sun was so so probably around nine to nine-thirty.
The volcano started to erupt flowing out like a upside down funnel it was flowing really fast but jimmy couldn't see the lava because of the trees. Jimmy was taking a picture of a monkey eating a mango in the background was the volcano the monkey was about ten meters away from jimmy when it started to run away followed by lava coming in hot, he spotted it and started to run not very fast though, he nearly got to the tree line when his laces came undone and he tripped up but didn't know how to tie them and he couldn't get them off they were too tight when he was engulfed by marshmallow like lava. He died...
Then one of the news crew helicopter was reporting how the lava spread across the island
When they spotted something moving! They went into have a closer look. It was man swimming in the lava! That man was jimmy.